Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Cough it up Fatso!

That’s Frahnkensteen
Really?? Well then is it Froderick Frahnkensteen?
No, it’s Fredrick, Fredrick Frahnksteen.
I see.
Well then, shall we go… it’s egor is it?

No, it’s algore

Ahhhhhhhhhh! The horror, the horror! Okay, okay, I embellished the last part. For those of you who haven’t heard of Mel Brooks in this day of “Jackass the Movie” et. al, the above are Guano favorite movie quotes from “Young Frankenstein,” arguably the best movie ever made. Of course the late great Marty Feldman ( he of the eyeus buggedoutus variant of homo sapiens) actually referred to himself as “Eye-gore” versus “algore”to poke fun at the young Herr Doctor’s denial of his heritage.

I’d like to deny the real algore’s heritage! His fear-mongering over global warming and the downright Inquisitional response of his “followers” to those who dare question the theory got tiresome long ago. I had to sooth Bat Jr’s (not his real name) fears after seeing a sneak preview of that’s ape’s mockumentary on another movie rental. I have no doubts that Earth’s climate changes. It has many times in the past even before us evil humans were around. What I have doubts about is that anthropogenic carbon has as big an effect as Captain Planet, errr, algore says it does. The sun has just a little bit to do with our planet’s temperature and is way beyond our control. I would theorize the Ice Age and when palm trees were growing in northern climes may have had more to do with what the sun was up to versus the CO2 content of the atmosphere. What’s more is plants just looovvvee carbon dioxide and tend to go nutz in such an environment cranking out huge quantities of oxygen in the process.

I am by no means a climatologist, but look how quickly I was able to gin up (without the gin even) a crackpot theory that sounds plausible. Perhaps I, Col Bat Guano savior of Coca Cola machines everywhere, should run for President. What really cracks me up is the story that came out yesterday. Seems algore and the Breck Girl use the same real estate agent. 10,000 square feet!?!?!? Is his environmental highness serious? Algore’s defense is he and Tipper buy carbon credit producing energy to offset their power addiction (the electrical kind that is).
I did a little calculation on my own “carbon footprint” after just changing jobs to see how I'm helping them out.

Now I’m one of those evil people that drive a 4x4 F150. It even has a “W04” sticker in the back window. (gasp!) I used to drive 24 miles one way to work every day in that truck. Let’s see, 24 miles times 2 times 5 days/week times 50 weeks a year and viola = 12,000 miles a year. I plug that mileage and a “4x4 SUV (oh that figures!) larger than 3 litre” engine into the model, turn the crank and …. 6,569 kg per year of carbon footprint generation from the truck alone. Okay, now I live 5 miles from the new job, 5 x 2 x 5 x 50 = 2,500 miles per year, turn the crank …. 1,369 kg carbon footprint – a net reduction of 5,200 kg per year or a 5.2 metric ton carbon credit. Jumping on the Kyoto bandwagon, CO2 credit going for 4 bucks a metric ton and ole fatso owes me about 20 bucks for helping to subsidize his power greed! Cough it up fatty!!

I’m going to start calling him fatso from here on. Seems everyone’s watching his waistline to see if he intends to run for President and give the Clinton’s a run for their money (all bazillions of it). Now that would be fun to watch the Democratic Party go nova with that scenario so if I piss off algore enough by calling him fatso, perhaps that’ll spur him into running in ’08. Yip-yip yahoo!!!


Sunday, February 25, 2007

Fear of Success?

Greg Jamison of the SJ Sharks was at Adventure today extolling us all to be successes at what God is having us do. That sounds like a no-duh doesn't it? But it seems there are lots of people in this country who are uncomfortable with success. Jamison ain't one of those people and neither am I. Watching the political debate since Grandma and company took over, our Congress is really uncomfortable with success or at least trying for success it appears. The stakes are too high to accept anything but success in the Islamofacist War ("The GWOT" just doesn't cut it for me) these days, but the naysayer voice travels far and wide.

Jamison pointed out that bad news travels through a company at the speed of light while good news seems to move slower. Why is that? Probably the same reason we enjoy gossip - we like hearing about how someone else has screwed up and then join in on kicking them in the crotch after they've been dropped to the floor. Listening to Jamison on that point, I realized that's what Grandma's Congress reminds me of. Not one of them has a decent idea of their own, except conniving ways to embarrass the President and then pat each other on the back for their clever words. Meanwhile, our enemy watches the frivolity and feels empowered.

From Numbers 13, we see an example of the power of negativitism. Moses sent 12 men, one from each tribe, to the Promised Land to scope it out. The twelve returned with examples of the fruit of the land, yet said the inhabitants were too strong for them. That defeatism was what traveled through the tribes versus the sweet success of God's promises. The Israelites were ready to stone Moses and Aaron and turn tail back to Egypt. Of the twelve, only two stood up for God's plan - Joshua and Caleb - and told the Israelites to not fear those whom God had abandoned. Sound familiar?

I said initially I'm not bothered by my success. That's because I'm blessed. My successes are not mine - they're God's. As long I know that and give thanks for that, the successes will continue. This country has been blessed for reasons that only God knows in full. For that reason alone it's worth defending against all enemies. The leftwing, uncomfortable with the nation's blessings, couldn't disagree more.


Tuesday, February 20, 2007


... is the title of Noemie Emery's excellent article in the Feb 12th Weekly Standard. Grandma and the Defeatocrats have painted themselves into a bit of a corner with that non-binding resolution from hell as they'll be calling it eventually. A regular double-edged sword it is in that if the surge fails, Congress will be seen as leading the un-charge and if it succeeds, Congress will be seen as standing in the way of victory. Ouch. The Trumpster would can anyone who left themselves in such a situation. The next two years are going to be fun to watch!


Sunday, February 18, 2007

Give Peace a Chance

Didn't we do that already? Many times? I remember the Pax Clintonia years quite well. Seems Western Civilization's mortal enemies took that lull to build their strength after it had defeated communism. Defeated. YES!!! We defeated communism!!! Now that's a good word isn't it as long as it's applied to our enemies. And enemies we have. I've been observing the Defeatocrats in their "surge" since Grandma took the gavel in the house. In their intoxication, they seem to be rady to leave this country's flank open for attack as long it embarrasses Dubya. Okay, you've embarrassed him, can you please get serious about protecting the country from enemies foriegn and domestic? Not that Grandma's an improvement over Hastert as far as someone who looks in charge. Hastert lost his will to lead a long time ago no argument there, but Grandma is ready to give peace just one more chance at the risk of the Guano family (not their real name) well being. As Hilliary said, "Not so fast!"

Mine are the most precious commodities I have on this planet so I'm not ready to let the Defeatocrat Party play political games with their lives. Our enemies are real and serious about the Guano family's annihilation in the most grotesque manner possible. I don't see the political will to confront this enemy in the power intoxicated Defeatocrat Party, perhaps a little more will in what's left of the backbone of the GOP. Therefore I've joined the Victory Caucus and I urge you to do the same.


Sunday, November 05, 2006

That's no Basis for a System of Government

“I’m Arthur King of the Britons!”
“Who’s the Britons?”
“We all are and I am your King.”
“Well I didn’t vote for you.”
“You don’t vote for kings, they’re appointed …the Lady of the Lake handed to me Excalibur!”
“… If I wandered about here proclaiming to be emperor because some moistened bink lobbed a scimitar at me, they put me away!!”
“SHUT UP! Bloody peasant!!”
“Oh, that’s dead giveaway. Help, HELP, I’m being repressed!”
- Monty Python and the Holy Grail

(9:1-2) “That’s no basis for a system of government,” said Dennis the peasant to King Arthur. Same was to be true for Israel’s choice. “Say what? Our king’s from who?” Benjamin = Israel’s (Jacob) youngest son, meaning the punk, the runt, the pain-in-the-__________ (what was your youngest brother’s “nickname?”) Nearly annihilated by the other 11 tribes (sons) of Israel in Judges 20-21 after Benjamite men committed a hideous Sodom and Gomorrah type act. From this lowly lineage comes Israel’s king?!?! (note not Christ’s lineage)

a. A mighty man of power: Kish, the father of Saul, was a wealthy and influential man in Israel. Saul came from a prestigious family (for a Benjamite), and was born to wealth and influence.

b. A choice and handsome young man: Saul was notable, not only for his family, but also for his appearance. Saul was tall (taller than any of his people) and good looking. In fact, there was not a more handsome person than he among the children of Israel. Saul looked like a great king. If being king over Israel was all about image and appearances, Saul was da man!!
i. In 1 Samuel 8, the people of Israel had just rejected the Lord God as king over Israel, because they wanted a king like all the surrounding nations had. What they really wanted was the image of a king, because God gave them the substance of a king better than any man could. Saul was exactly the type of king that the people wanted. He was the king from central casting. God is giving Israel the kind of leaders they wanted and deserved!
ii. The name Saul means “asked of God.” Israel was asking for a king, and Saul would indeed be the one “asked of God.” (God delivers the leaders we ask for)
c. What is not mentioned in these first two verses is God. Saul came from a wealthy, influential family and was good looking. But there is nothing said about his relationship with the Lord God of Israel. There is nothing said because there was nothing to say!
i. Saul reflected the spiritual state of the whole nation of Israel. There may have been some spiritual image present, but the heart was far from where God wanted it to be. (How is our heart today?)

(9:3-14) Saul starts his new career by chasing asses! “Look,” says Saul’s servant, “now, there is in this city a man of God . . . perhaps he can show us the way we should go.” Saul and his servant ain’t all that deep. They seem to be men who wouldn’t think to come to the prophet Samuel for real spiritual guidance, but they do think, “Hey! Maybe he can help us find our asses!”

(9:15-17) “There he is, the man of whom I spoke to you. This one shall reign over My people.” “Seriously?? He’s here to ask me where his asses are for crying out loud. Well, all right.” – Samuel always faithful

(9:18-21) “I am the Seer” “Am I not a Benjamite?”

Samuel tells Saul: “Don’t worry, your asses are safe. As to the country, well I don’t know, but here you are.” Saul starts his “political” campaign with a nice sounding soundbite, but it’s a lie! Saul was an unauthentic politician from the very start yet exactly who Israel asked for.

(9:22-27) Saul dines with Samuel.

Samuel set up a meal to honor his guest, yet the portion of meat Samuel had set aside for Saul ain’t exactly filet mignon! It’s a leg with “what was on it.” What??? Rump roast?? A butt steak?!?!?! Samuel knew Saul was no good yet obeyed the command from God delivering Israel what it had asked for.

Bring it home. What leadership do we ask for in this country? What leadership are we voting for today? When we stand in that voting both today, will Jesus be standing next to us?

Some quotations from;


Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Seeds for Keith

Keith Olberman needs a new career using his logic about journalistic integrity. Here's his address to get him started:

Keith Olberman
1 MSNBC Plaza
Secaucus, NJ 07094


Wednesday, September 13, 2006

The Path to 9/11

Great docu-drama! Simply excellent. Some were howling about it in it was not complimentary to certain political figures shall I say. Whatever. I heard Peggy Noonan panning it on the Laura Ingrahm Show (Sorry Laura, but I miss the Hoguester!) as having been so heavily edited to be irrelevant. Her beef appeared to be the removal of items that really painted the Clinton crowd in especially harsh light if those existed. Now I’m down with a good game of Clinton bashing as much as the next guy, but this wasn’t the place for it. Clinton’s problems are well known. Any first year psych student can tell the guy’s a textbook narcissist, which doesn’t necessarily imply good leadership traits. I’ve found narcissists to be quite charming at first meeting hence having that leadership potential anyway. Clinton had me charmed until he wagged that finger in my face telling me he “did not have sexhual reluhtions with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky.” Liar, liar, liar, pants on fire. He and I were done after that. But all good fun in Clinton bashing aside, I can’t in good conscience pin 9/11 on him due to his pre-occupation with himself.

I walked away from that production realizing that no one in this greatest nation on God’s green Earth was prepared for the depth of evil that struck it square on the chin 5 years ago. It was a staggering what-the-hell-was-that blow and simply incomprehensible to us civilized folk that 19 men could be driven to commit such a horrific act. For some of us, it is still is incomprehensible. These nineteen men were not insane. They were highly devoted and intelligent men far as the leaders (Atta, go.

Yet to plan for such a thing for years knowing the mission’s completion would result in just as a bloody a death for them as their victims – what drives a man to do so? 11 September 2001 was a wakeup call to us all that yes evil does exist and is quite virulent and quite powerful. Western culture and American culture in particular has spent the past few decades convincing itself evil is not a real entity. If evil does not exist, that rather tends to render God irrelevant. That led to sort-of belief in God as some sort of New Age guru. But human power was where it was at. There was no wrong that couldn’t be legislated or litigated away was the New World Order. We were incredibly intoxicated with ourselves and our seeming ability to do anything we put our minds to and control any aspect of nature and human nature. Clinton personified everything that mattered to American culture so he was the leader we wanted. Absolute belief in our own power to create whatever we wanted.

The Dark One is nothing if not crafty. The Bible warns he can cast himself as a thing of absolute dazzling beauty is deflect us away from a relationship with God. Our fascination with ourselves and our seeming divine power over the world about us was indeed dazzling wasn’t it? What better strategery to neutralize the one nation on Earth with the capabilities and gifts to best make known God’s grace then to have it focus on itself as the world wallowed in misery and mayhem. God allowed us to take that path because it was what we chose. As a father I know how hard it can be to allow harsh, but necessary lessons to occur to my kids whom I love dearly. The Dark One seeing an opportunity to stake his claim in the world struck out with his deceived followers and bitch slapped us hard figuring we were too weak and self absorbed to do anything about it. God willing, we will ask for His strength to continue the fight against unrepentant evil.