Cough it up Fatso!

That’s Frahnkensteen
Really?? Well then is it Froderick Frahnkensteen?
No, it’s Fredrick, Fredrick Frahnksteen.
I see.
Well then, shall we go… it’s egor is it?
No, it’s algore

Ahhhhhhhhhh! The horror, the horror! Okay, okay, I embellished the last part. For those of you who haven’t heard of Mel Brooks in this day of “Jackass the Movie” et. al, the above are Guano favorite movie quotes from “Young Frankenstein,” arguably the best movie ever made. Of course the late great Marty Feldman ( he of the eyeus buggedoutus variant of homo sapiens) actually referred to himself as “Eye-gore” versus “algore”to poke fun at the young Herr Doctor’s denial of his heritage.

I’d like to deny the real algore’s heritage! His fear-mongering over global warming and the downright Inquisitional response of his “followers” to those who dare question the theory got tiresome long ago. I had to sooth Bat Jr’s (not his real name) fears after seeing a sneak preview of that’s ape’s mockumentary on another movie rental. I have no doubts that Earth’s climate changes. It has many times in the past even before us evil humans were around. What I have doubts about is that anthropogenic carbon has as big an effect as Captain Planet, errr, algore says it does. The sun has just a little bit to do with our planet’s temperature and is way beyond our control. I would theorize the Ice Age and when palm trees were growing in northern climes may have had more to do with what the sun was up to versus the CO2 content of the atmosphere. What’s more is plants just looovvvee carbon dioxide and tend to go nutz in such an environment cranking out huge quantities of oxygen in the process.

I am by no means a climatologist, but look how quickly I was able to gin up (without the gin even) a crackpot theory that sounds plausible. Perhaps I, Col Bat Guano savior of Coca Cola machines everywhere, should run for President. What really cracks me up is the story that came out yesterday. Seems algore and the Breck Girl use the same real estate agent. 10,000 square feet!?!?!? Is his environmental highness serious? Algore’s defense is he and Tipper buy carbon credit producing energy to offset their power addiction (the electrical kind that is).
I did a little calculation on my own “carbon footprint” after just changing jobs to see how I'm helping them out.

Now I’m one of those evil people that drive a 4x4 F150. It even has a “W04” sticker in the back window. (gasp!) I used to drive 24 miles one way to work every day in that truck. Let’s see, 24 miles times 2 times 5 days/week times 50 weeks a year and viola = 12,000 miles a year. I plug that mileage and a “4x4 SUV (oh that figures!) larger than 3 litre” engine into the model, turn the crank and …. 6,569 kg per year of carbon footprint generation from the truck alone. Okay, now I live 5 miles from the new job, 5 x 2 x 5 x 50 = 2,500 miles per year, turn the crank …. 1,369 kg carbon footprint – a net reduction of 5,200 kg per year or a 5.2 metric ton carbon credit. Jumping on the Kyoto bandwagon, CO2 credit going for 4 bucks a metric ton and ole fatso owes me about 20 bucks for helping to subsidize his power greed! Cough it up fatty!!

I’m going to start calling him fatso from here on. Seems everyone’s watching his waistline to see if he intends to run for President and give the Clinton’s a run for their money (all bazillions of it). Now that would be fun to watch the Democratic Party go nova with that scenario so if I piss off algore enough by calling him fatso, perhaps that’ll spur him into running in ’08. Yip-yip yahoo!!!