To Family or Not To Family

Fascinating debate this morning on Hogue in the Morning! Seems there’s a fambly in Arkansas with 16 kids!!! Yikes! Ma married her husband at 17, had her first at 21, was preggers another 13 times (two sets of twins), and is 39 right now, meaning their youngest can be no more than four if they popped out a kid a year. And now thinking they want another kid. Wow.

“Is that healthy?” was the question. How many is too many? With a 17-year old son having multiple “hormonal episodes” lately, I’m tending to think ZERO is the right number of kids at the moment (“My hair, my hair” he laments!). But would he and we be having an easier go of it with more siblings? Probably. Brothers and sisters tend to police each other both consciously as well as subconsciously. Large family units are forced to think with consideration to those around them. The other extreme from 16 kids is the only child. I’ve had my encounters with “onlys” and they’ve generally not been all that great.

Hogue started this debate after eavesdropping on a coffee shop conversation among three ladies clucking away about this sixteen kid household. They made the usual comments about not good for society, not good for the environment, not good for the kids, blah, blah, blah. As one of Hogue’s callers (Tom) said, “Who are you to decide how many kids I should have?” The culture today generally thinks two kids should be enough – a.k.a. replacements. That triggered a memory of a Star Trek (the original and only as far as I’m concerned) episode where Zaal, a reptile god of some sort, controlled a tribal society discovered by the intrepid Capt Kirk and crew. Zaal and only Zaal decided when the tribe should make “replacements.” The tribe’s purpose in life was to feed Zaal, thereby indicating Zaal was a machine of some sort rather than a transcendental god. Ole James Tiberius decided these “were a people” and fragged Zaal’s behind with some well placed ship phasers. Damn straight! “Zaal” (a.k.a. culture) has no right to dictate your family size or mine. Mine is only three as the last one damn near killed the fetching Mrs. Guano (not her real name). We took that as a sign from God (not Zaal) saying “That’s enough for you.” “Thank You Sir, we won’t ask for another!”

Should three have been enough for this Arkansas family? Apparently not. The argument can and is made, that these parents are selfish; seeking the localized fame a huge family can draw. That’s simply asinine. I’m here to tell you after witnessing the miraculous and at the same time, terrifying event of Bat Jr’s (not his real name) birth, a woman who goes through 14 pregnancies is not selfish. Parents of 16 kids cannot be selfish or self centered people. If they had been such, they would have divorced after the second or fourth one – definitely still in the single digits – and then used the poor little rugrats as leverage in the ensuing court battle. Parents of large families like this have no other option except to have a servant’s heart and deny the self more often than not. That is why our culture today cannot understand such a family unit, because “service” itself is an alien ideal.

When did the large family become bad? Hogue posited that the Women’s Liberation Movement may have been that moment by declaring that women must seek fulfillment outside the family. Quite the social upheaval that delivered to us new societal norms like daycare facilities, office affairs sometimes degrading into workplace sexual harassment, penis-envy, and other trading card psychobabble. Perhaps that’s the case, but I think women’s lib was more symptomatic then causal to the meltdown of the nuclear family. I believe that started happening when more became less in America. By more became less (not a bad idea for Michael Moore actually), I mean the more “stuff” we got, the less fulfilled we felt. It appears that started happening back in the sixties. The sixties delivered mucho technological advancement in addition to MLK, Vietnam, and sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll.

(Uh-oh, is this becoming a Luddite discussion?!?!)

Mucho technological advancement begat mucho personal comfort which begat more and more self-centered thought, which begat the “Me” generation of the seventies (remember the Billy Joel anthem to that effect? Or John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever?), and the eventual malaise (brought to you by STD epidemics and Jimmy Carter), which begat the self-absorption in careers in the eighties through the nineties (implying most people completely misunderstood what it meant to be a “shining city on a hill”) since relationships were so damn dangerous, style vs. substance (Miami Vice anyone?), sexual freedom (Bubba and Monica) to all manners of self-absorption today that can happen at blindingly fast download speeds across our computer screens. The more and more comfortable and convenient our lives have become the less worthwhile they seem. The less worthwhile we feel, the angrier we get when reminded of our wretchedness, hence the more frantic the quest for comfort. To speak disparagingly of homosexual marriage is a hate crime. Did you know that? To watch sitcom characters (e.g. Friends) build stronger personal relationships using porn is funny. To hear our President speak about the Century of Liberty is evil because of the self sacrifice that implies.

More is less.

We humans want comfort but stagnate in it. We surround ourselves with a towering wall of bling that has no end in sight (“He who dies with the most toys wins”), until it all comes crashing down since its foundation was weak to begin with. Self-centered behavior has brought little in the way of enlightenment. Rather it has wrought much misery apparently as Gen-X and Gen-Next vocalizes its displeasure with Gen-Me. (Weekly Standard subscription required). Seems America may be poised to rebel against “Self.” Thank God and not a moment too soon. I’ve tended to find I’m happier with less rather than more. God gifted me with “lots” as opposed to “more” such that I can spread my share of His blessings across the world. That we do, through organizations such as this as an active part of the Christian family. Multi-kid families are symptomatic with denial of self and a servant based world-view. God bless that Arkansas family.